Honestly i can't remember all my teenage feelings ....and their meanings

if i only saw myself as i see you
a true lie, between you and i
Venom sacs ballooning in my mouth
 to poison my words,
but fragile as an Easter egg
if you dropped me
would i land on all fours
like a baby cat?

i became smitten.
 Zoey she became Ziggy
and he disappeared like stardust
into her arms.

Smoky gray black midnight
with white patches on your belly.
You were just a kitten
but i conquered foreign civilizations for you
even if it was just a game.
Moses tried to drive you out of Egyptland,
but Jaime gave you a home so faraway
it feels as though you are on Mars.

i feel like a John Cusack film
only someone edited out the cool hair and mannerisms,
an eternal teenager too cool for adult rationale.
 i still flip up my jacket collar.
content to give up porn and cigarettes,
but not wine and chocolate.
 i even thought about making a mixtape today....

These next few months will be a trial by fire
nowhere to go but forward
to find that strength i stored away long ago
it goes to show the future is quite unwritten
so give me a pen,
and i'll send myself a letter....

i was naive once, cynical twice,
three times is the charm i'd say,
an apartment split 4-ways.
5 minutes to the 6 o'clock news.
Drinking until there are Seven hammers
ringing in my head 8 days a week.
Nine lives to when i reach 0
and then i start living my life again....

nothing seems to stay the same forever.
 and Hands never seemed so far away,
clear water in these raindrops,
exhale through my eyes,
an illustrated smile on my mouth,
with your whisper in my ear....