.....i am waiting i am....

i am feeling Minnesota right now.

wet socks, New Years kisses, crabmeat dip and dirty dishes, the wind rushes through his thistle of a beard, cockle burrs and dandelions aplenty....one kiss is too many, don't believe in superstition, but believing in myself lately is aiming the gunshot barely missing, we've taken a lot of lumps in the last year, i am limping on a sprained ankle and a calloused heart into the next year....

heated floors, dance moves, slip-on shoes. Korean saunas, yet somehow i still lose...out on the aesthetic of the moment. what does it take to get out me out of this dark funk? with thoughts like spiders crawling inside this head of mine, a steam trunk design full of dust-covered memories...

a foreigner for real on the dirty streets of Seoul, walking with Björk look-a-likes, but can never find a copy of himself, a true kindred spirit in the form of a female Doppelgänger , Ich kommt aus Berlin to my China Wall all the way to New York i could hear her breathing...

it almost all but destroys me, with the wind cutting in like a knife to my flesh, i am at a loss for words walking across pools of waters having flown over multiple time zones just to get here, to get back to the business of being myself instead of masquerading in Massachusetts as the ghost of someone else....

a bard sings "The Ballad of John Tulloch" deep into the inky frigid darkness, i suck in the night air. it tastes cool and sweet. i suck it in through my teeth and exhale it through my eyes somehow, thinking of loved ones and meaningful songs that could take this aching misunderstanding away from me...gnawing into my bones like some sort of cancer.....


i left a behind a culture of fear.


a country that held no place for me.


no identity.


colonialism and conquistadores, the immortal Joe Strummer and i singing mestizo love songs through the giant clusterfuck that is Christmas and New Years.






maybe this year will be better than the last.....